My Facebook Breakup: Update

It's been a little over 5 weeks since I decided to break up with Facebook. If you missed the first article, you can read it by clicking here.  Lots has happened that I had hoped for, and some things that I didn't expect.  Here's what I've learned about myself in the wake of my Facebook absence:



Free Time/Creative Time

Holy crap at the amount of time I actually have to get things done during the day.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a SAHM---it's not like I'm balancing my time between rearing my children and making peace negotiations in the Middle East.  Regardless, without constantly scrolling through everyone else's life on Facebook, I managed to get so much more done.  Except laundry.

As far as projects, I managed to finish a few that have been on the backburner for...umm...years?  Is it ok to admit that?  It only took about 20 minutes to completely redo this storage ottoman:

      

I've had this thing for years.  Pretty sure I got it around 2005ish.  Also, the dog ate the side of it during the same year.  So, yes, that project was long overdue.  I kept it around because we live in about 700 sq feet of rented townhouse space and we need every ounce of storage that we can manage to squeeze in.  The fabric that I used to re-cover it was a vintage window treatment that I just thought was lovely.  This is a no-sew project; I only used a staple gun to attach all the pretty fabric.   The final outcome was even better than I'd expected.   I think it would be adorable as a modified side table with a tray on top and maybe a plant.   

Here's why I can't do that though: 

(please forgive the grainy picture; it was the heat of the moment)

I've also finished an obscene amount of wall weavings and re-opened my Etsy shop.  Plus, I had plenty of time to completely re-vamp my shop look, logo, layout, story, and policies.  You can visit it by clicking here or using the tab at the top to take you directly to the Etsy store.  Here are some of the things you will find there: 

In addition to completely renovating my online shop, I also made it a priority to do some back end work on this blog.  While I liked the aesthetics of my Wix blog, I needed page view tracking and an internal commenting feature.   I briefly considered completely relocating to Typepad, but it really didn't give me much of an incentive when I could redo my Blogspot blog and get the same things here for free.  Plus, I already had a (tiny) base here.  Setting up a blog isn't an easy task, so I'm very happy that I finally took the time to get back to work on it.  Plus, I've written more blog articles (including drafts) in the past Facebook-free month than I have in the past year.  

Self Awareness

Initially, I was just hugely relieved to be done with the whole idea of Facebook.  I thought it would allow me to focus on my family without having any kind of pressure to produce public content (although that pressure is solely my doing). So, leaving Facebook behind did that.  It was an almost immediate sigh of relief that I didn't have to answer messages or reply to comments.   In a way, it was a weird personal liberation.  Plus, I've never been bothered by the little red message bubbles that pop up on my iPhone, so that wasn't an issue at all.  At present I've got almost 70,000 unread e-mails (and I could really give a shit less about it).

As far as eliminating my Facebook page and its' effect on my family, it really wan't incredibly significant.  We have a pretty normal evening routine where we do homework, dinner, watch an episode or two of The Biggest Loser, take baths, read, and hit the sheets.   Now that Josh is working in the evenings, it's necessary to not deviate from our routine just so that things keep running smoothly.  I don't think that my online habits have ever (with very rare exceptions if any at all) affected my ability to focus on what needed my attention in real time.

Also, if a person exercises and it isn't documented on Facebook, it still happens.  The occurrence itself does not disappear into the ether.  You're welcome.

Unexpected Effects

What did change with the elimination of FB, was the amount of time I spent thinking about things that were significant to me.  Instead of posting articles that were interesting to me regarding the presidential race, I talked to my husband about my views.  We talk about politics a lot, but I really started to examine why I had certain concerns about particular candidates.  I also really researched the foundations of the Democratic Party (which I've always considered myself).  Now, I'm certain that I am, and always have been, a Libertarian.  So, I'm glad I took that time to consider thoughts of merit.


On a completely politically-unrelated note, I established that my anxiety is not directly linked to my presence on social media platforms (it is magnified by it though).  I expected that my anxiety would diminish completely with my recession from Facebook.  For the first few days, I experienced a greatly reduced sense of anxiety, but then it just started to trickle back.  Something I don't discuss very often are my mental struggles.  For the majority of my adult life I have battled with anxiety and depression (and pretty severe postpartum depression) that went untreated for many years thanks to my stubbornness and shame.  I can usually keep myself in check although the highs and lows are still very evident and sometimes wreak havoc on my relationships.  Regardless, mood disorders exist with and without my involvement in social media and eliminating that doesn't have any real effect on my ability to rationalize.  So, we're working through that with some different therapies and medications.  Maybe eventually I'll write about it, but I don't feel like I could explain everything in a blurb.  Basically, my brain just gets kind of fucky sometimes and there's nothing I can do to fix it, and social media has no bearing on it.



Less Screen Time = More _________ ! 


SLEEP!  Well, with the constant need to scroll through the FB gone, I have noticed that my sleep quality has improved.  Also, I fall asleep so much quicker!  This is huge for me; I have been an insomniac since I was a teenager.  Generally I take a cocktail of Unisom and Benadryl to quiet my mind and help me fall asleep, but since eliminating Facebook I switched to natural Melatonin and have had great luck with it. 

Sex!  Less screen time = more sex.  I mean, we have to get creative with the baby and all, but at least I'm not splitting screen time with penis time anymore.  If you cut back on Facebook for anything, let it be this.  

Books!  I have read two books (significant books) over the past 30 days.  This was pretty high on my to-do list.  Considering that I have a degree in LITERATURE, and that I'm a bit of a purist with my preference for the typed word, it's a little hypocritical for me to get the bulk of my literary diet from my iPhone.  I've finished a fiction novel, a nonfiction collection, and just started Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which I've been wanting to read for years.  

Laughs!  I haven't been preoccupied with the whereabouts of my phone nearly as much so I've had a lot more time to just enjoy the little moments of life.  We've spent a considerable amount of time at the park and just enjoying each other in general.  I've cuddled more with Jonah.  I've gotten to enjoy my baby just sleeping in my arms with no agenda.  It's been nice.  

Thinking!  Without the constant distraction of my phone, I've spent a lot of time thinking about things.  Ideas mostly, not necessarily people.  I've wondered and read up on certain religious topics, politics, lifestyle choices.  Rather than reacting to what other people have posted, I've been busy thinking about what I personally find appealing and curious.  

Friends!  I've had real conversations with real friends.  Some I hadn't talked to outside of social media in years.  I like this new arrangement.  I'd really like to keep it this way.  I also went to see my mom several times.  So, I've had more face time with people as well.

So, what now? 

In all honesty, there's stuff that I missed about Facebook, too.  I missed lots of birthdays.   For the first few days I really struggled with not opening my app; apparently must check Facebook is my personal default setting.  I felt like an asshole for ignoring everyone.  I missed a couple of babies being born; I missed a friend passing away; I missed two people announcing their pregnancies.  Of course, I still found out about these things, but it wasn't the same as participating in the sense of community that Facebook provides for everyone to pour out their feelings as a collective.

With as many bad things as Facebook brings into life, it brings some good things as well.  The backbone of Facebook seems to have evolved into a network of connecting people for important things.  It does that.  It's very good at that.

It's also very, very good for business networking.   That can work against you when you're working for a corporation, but as a creative business owner it's a wonderful tool for me.  I noticed with my disappearance from Facebook that my blog views went down, my Etsy views were less than they were when I was an active FB user, and I had no requests for custom orders.  Like, at all.  So, for me in the business (if you can call it a business) that I'm in, Facebook works in my favor.  I built my "brand" on Facebook; I can't really just disband it now.

So, I've decided that Facebook is ultimately, for me, more good than bad.  However, I have established some new boundaries that I think will be helpful.

• I will check it, but not every five minutes.  And NEVER right before bed.
• I will not stress out about returning messages or "liking" every comment.  Who does that?  Seriously. 
• No Facebook during important things like dinner, or date night, or school events.  
• Very limited Facebook on the weekends.  Like, once a day, max.

Things that Still Bother Me About Facebook

• Ponzi Schemes.  
•  Stop adding me to your groups to sell shit.  If you know me at all, you know that I already sell shit.  Shit that I make.  That means, I am the only one reaping profits from it and I'm ok with that.  I tried selling Mary Kay once in 2004; I still have makeup.  STILL.  It's 2016.
• Weight Loss Supplements/Groups/Etc.
• I get it.  Skinny people = good.  Fat people = bad.  I live in America.  I GET IT.  I also am hyperaware that I've gained more than a few pounds since birthing Finn.  I own a scale.  I'm about 5 pounds removed from having to sleep standing in a field.  I can't vacation in India because they might start worshiping me.  But trust me, I know that putting less food in my mouth and moving my ass more will take care of that.  I don't need to wrap it off, supplement it off, wax it off, or CrossFit it off (totally aware of my limitations here...SOLIDARITY!).  So, while I'm really happy that you have found success and happiness at the gym/under the wrap/under the knife/in a fasting Hindu tribe in Tibet, I've got my own ass covered.  So, if I want to join that tribe, I'll let you know....
• Online Yard Sales
• You people are assholes.  That about covers it.  I do not want to trade out my True Religion jeans for Food Stamps.  

And the #1 Thing I Hate About Facebook:

Guys that send "hey" in a message. 

What?  Why?  Why is this still a thing?  Has any thoughful and emotionally provocative conversation ever started with the one line sentiment 'hey'?  I'm thinking no.  

Yet, it still happens.  I have my kids plastered all over my Facebook profile and yet I still get these messages.  It's not like I hide my marriage status or my motherhood status.  What happened to those things being a turn off?  When someone is married with children, that does not equate them playing hard to get.  Facepalm.  So, I get pretty snippy from time to time because I assume that people who send you that infuriating one-line sentiment are just intellectually challenged.  Being nice is just not in my natural genetic makeup.  Shocker, I know.  

My Top 10 Meanest 'hey' Responses: 

• Did you just have a seizure while opening a new message?
• Oh my gosh, you romantic you.  I bet you get all the ladies with that line.
• Marry me?
• Que? 
• What took you so long to get back to me?  I've been waiting with baited breath.
• This account is not for processing sexual favors.  But thanks.  I'm flattered. 
• No.  Whatever the question is, the answer is no.
• Oh baby.  You're so sexy. Let's get together.
• Really?
• No.  What the hell?  Is that the response you were honestly expecting?
• 'Your' a bitch.
• *You're a fast learner, aren't you?
• Is that all you got?  No punctuation, even? 
• There aren't enough over-the-counter fish antibiotics to even continue this conversation.

So, ultimately, I'll be seeing you guys on Facebook now.  It's been a pretty cool experiment for me.  And I would totally suggest doing it to see what you find out about yourself.  I'd love to chat about some of the things, so leave me a comment.  

If you missed the first article, you can read it here.

xo, Karee