Preserving the Peace: Football, Katy Perry, and Groundhogs

Apparently there is a football game happening this weekend (my husband tells me so). Apparently the majority of humanity has some sort of stake in it. I'm not a sports person, per se. I mean, I've tolerated it (I even feigned an active interest in it through the dating stage of our relationship). Chances are, I'm not alone in that. I actually look forward to football season starting in the fall, but my interest in it fizzles out after the first few weeks. So, luckily for me, my husband is not one of those guys' guys that rents a 186" television and throws a huge SB party for all of his sports loving buddies (and bless those of you that have to endure that).  However, I'm reasonably sure that my DVR'd episodes of Parenthood will be overshadowed by this one particular game on Sunday.  I think my husband almost feels bad for exposing me to so much testosterone-induced man TV.  In return for sucking out my soul for four hours, though, he wrote a small survival piece to serve as a buffer throughout the game for those of you that will be completely consumed by an array of hyped-up sports fans.  I decided to include it here: 

­­­Using Prop Bets to Survive the Big Game

by Joshua Barnhardt

The Big Game is this Sunday. It’s as American as Independence Day. Therefore, I am here to help you find a way to enjoy it. If you are a big football fan, then you don’t need my help. If you are like my wife, however, you are dreading the party your significant other is dragging you to, or the four hours of frustration at home trying to find something to do while the game is blaring in the living room. I’m here for you. (And, secretly, my wife too. No seriously, read this honey.)

There is the simple way of just picking a team, and cheering for them. This year, you have the Patriots and the Seahawks. If you have any morals at all, you must cheer for the Seahawks. The Patriots are convicted cheaters, and have been for a decade. In the AFC Championship Game, it was found that the Patriots deflated their footballs to almost 20% below NFL regulations. This made them easier to throw and catch. They won the game 45-7. If you need more info, google Deflategate. I’m not kidding.

If you are the type who just likes sexy man meat though, who am I to judge? You should cheer for the Patriots because they have Tom Brady. He’s dreamy. He’s also married to Gisele Bundchen. He also knocked up Bridget Moynahan, then left her high and dry. But enough about the NFL’s image problem.

If you need more juice in it to get interested in the game, then put some juice on it. More specifically, the Big Game is the most heavily betted on sporting event of the year. Vegas makes it really interesting too. Prop bets for the Big Game are the moneymakers for the sports books, and they are incredibly exciting and interesting. I propose you pick some prop bets with your significant other, and bet that whoever gets the most of them right owes the other a back massage. Or place a wager on each bet, like doing the laundry, or the dishes (or whatever floats your boat) on specific bets. Here are the most interesting prop bets to me:

How long will it take Idina Menzel to sing the National Anthem?

Over/Under – 2 minutes and 1 second

(If you take the over, anything that goes 2:02 or longer wins. 2:00 and shorter wins you the under bet)

Which coach will be shown on TV first after the opening kickoff?

Pete Carroll (Seahawks), or Bill Belichick (Patriots)

How many times will Katy Perry be mentioned during the first half?

Over/Under – 1 ½ times

What will Katy Perry be wearing when she begins the halftime show?

Skirt/Dress, Pants, or Shorts

What color will Katy Perry’s hair be when she begins the halftime show?

Black/Brown, Pink/Red, Blue/Green, Blonde, or Purple

How many times will Gisele Bundchen be shown on TV?

Over/Under – 1 ½ times

What color will the Gatorade be that is dumped on the winning coach at the end of the game?

Orange, Yellow, Clear/Water, Red, Blue, or Green

Who will the Super Bowl MVP mention first in his interview?

Teammates, God, Fans/City, Coach, Family, Owner, or None of the Above

Groundhog Day Parlay

Punxsutawnwey Phil sees shadow, and Patriots win

Punxsutawnwey Phil does not see shadow, and Patriots win

Punxsutawnwey Phil sees shadow, and Seahawks win

Punxsutawnwey Phil does not see shadow, and Seahawks win

These are real bets that you can actually put money on, but why not use them to make the Big Game enjoyable, and spice up your relationship! Have fun, and be responsible with your betting!